Broken
by Ange de melancolie
Summary: His every breath, he breathes for her. His heart beats for her alone. A little look into the tortured soul of Draco Malfoy and his longing for Hermione Granger.
1. The Journey Begins

title: Broken Category: Books Sub Category: Harry Potter characters: Draco, Hermione author: sHaDoW iN tHe NiGhT author's e-mail: dark_shadow_realm@hotmail.com rating: PG genre 1: angst genre 2: romance summary: His every breath, he breathes for her. His heart beats for her alone. A little look into the tortured soul of Draco Malfoy and his longing for Hermione Granger. A Work In Progress. Please review! This is my first story so be nice!  
  
Broken  
  
Summary: When the mere thread between love and hate is snapped and true emotion rise like ghosts in the mist, swimming across your mind like faint fog being lifted by morning breezes. That, my friend's, is what love is really like.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, though sometimes I do wish I owned Draco............  
  
A/N: All the poems in this story belong to me and were written by me.  
  
Chapter One: The Journey Begins  
  
I watch her. Every day. She doesn't know I love her. I doubt that she would care. She thinks I hate her but I only call her "Mudblood" to keep myself from engulfing her in my arm's and pouring out my soul to her. I love her. But she doesn't know.  
  
She has a habit of biting her finger nails. To some it's annoying. But to me it's paradise. The way her beautiful finger rests on her full lip. It makes me burn. My very soul feels alight with unknown passion's and hidden desire's. But it's also pain. Knowing that I will never feel those lips. That I will never caress those perfect lips with my own. I want to cry. I do cry. But not aloud, if that is the right word. Not in front of them. Alone, inside, my heart weeps and mourns for the touch i crave but will never have. For the love of a girl I can never own. For Hermione. 


	2. Love is a Road Much Traversed

Chapter 2: Love Is A Road Much Traversed  
  
Disclaimer: The chapter title is my own invention (smirk) but the quote "Vile wretch that I am" is from the greatest book of all time, Les Misrables by Victor Hugo.  
  
She smiled at me!! Oh my god, I felt like fainting. We were in Transfiguration. I wasn't paying attention, as usual, and my gaze wondered (as it always did) to where Hermione sat. I watched her for a few perfect moments, then it happened. She turned her head, and saw me looking at her. She blushed slightly and half-smiled at me. She turned back to her work but I could see she was biting her bottom lip to keep from laughing (or smiling). I hope.  
  
It was as if an Angel from Heaven had unleashed all the stars and brought them down to me, undeserving mortal though I am. An Angel, I mused. Yes, that is what she is. An Angel. My Angel.  
  
What am I saying, what am I thinking and above all, feeling? She is not mine, she never will be. She probably smiled to keep from lauhing at me. She will never love me, vile wretch that I am. But I, I will keep loving her from afar. Everyday, I will long for her. Every night, I will weep for her. Every moment of every day untill I draw my last breath, I will love her. 


	3. There is Always a Third Factor

Chapter 3: There Is Always A Third Factor  
  
It's offical. I have to die. How could I have been so blind?! My love for Hermione blinded me to all else. But reality tends to wake you up at the worst times. Just when I believed she was starting to care for me, reality had to slap me across the face.  
  
I guess your wonder what the hell I'm rambling on about. Well, I'll tell you. Lately Hermione has been sending small smiles my way. I was beginning to think she maybe liked me too. But today in Potions, I had a rude awakening.  
  
Hermione had just sent another one of her shy smiles my way. She turned her head again and looked at me. Or so I thought. I was in the process of getting lost in those pure chocolate depths when Prof. Snape's voice broke my world.  
  
"Hermione Granger, if you do not dissit staring at Mr. Finnigan this instant, both of you will have a two hour dentention!!"  
  
I felt like crying. I turned my head and saw Semus and Hermione blushing, turning their heads guiltily back to their work. Then I realised my mistake. Because of some conspiracy concocted by Dumbledore, Semus Finnigan had been sitting beside me for the past month! So it was he Hermione was smiling at, not me. Oh God! How could I have been so blind?! How did I ever manage to convince myself that Hermione might have even slight feelings for me?! Oh, how blind had been my eyes, how weak my conduct!  
  
I cried that night. Cried harder than I ever had in my life. The lonliness, the hurt, the pain, the daily suffering, all poured out in liquid-hot tears that burned my eyes and cheeks. Like an ocean of grief, I drowned myself in them. I lost myself in a storm of conflicting emotions. I felt as a small ship would, at first elation, following a beacon thought to lead safely to shore. Then pain, finding the beacon but a illusion and myslef as lost as ever. A fragile wreck in a storm of emotions. 


	4. I Embraced The Pain

Chapter 4: I Embraced The Pain.....  
I did it. The thing I swore never to do. It didn't even hurt like I thought it would. More of a dull ache than a sharp slap. I suppose I should have used a knife but I was feeling destructive. I get asked about it a lot but I tell them the truth. Sort of. I tell them a mirror broke. It's sort of true. But the truth is I broke the moirror and used a shard to carve sharp lines in the back of my hand. I thought about carving her name but that would have been too conspicuous.  
  
It made the pain go away for awhile. I had something to focuse on rather than the painful longing in my soul. I made three small cuts on my wrist, with, of course, no intent to kill my self but more of a lust for pain. But the third one bled more than expected. I panicked and stopped. So far no one has noticed the ones on my wrist or wondered how I got cuts on the BACK of my hand from a mirror. It doesn't matter. The less questions they ask, the less lies I have to get tangled up in.  
  
Hermione was among those that asked me how it happened. I told her what I told everyone. I think she was a little skeptical but it could have been my imagination. The funny thing was, she said, "This one looks painful. You should use a medi-spell." and ran her finger down the deepest of the cuts. Her touch was ice and fire. It burnt my skin but soothed it at the same time. It was all very confusing. She looked at me with such genuine concern in her eyes............  
  
What am I letting myself think?! She couldn't possibly feel sorry for me! She hates me. The way she looks at me sometimes. If looks could kill, I'd have been dead and buried long ago. Her looks do kill me. With each glare, a tiny piece of my heart breaks untill one day it will all crumble into ashes and blow away. She must hate me. I'm sure she does............ 


	5. Suicide Poem

Chapter 5: Suicide Poem  
  
I wrote a poem today. It's called "Suicide". Here is a copy;  
  
Suicide  
  
Pain runs up and down my arm, Blood blossoms on my wrist, I'm starting to panic now, There's blood oozing out my fist.  
  
My vision's getting cloudy, Everything's going black, I've gone way too far this time, And there's no going back.  
  
Everythig is dark now, I'm floating in the night, Suddenly a rush of feelings, And I'm pulled back towards the light.  
  
There's a mask on my face, Someone's telling me I'm fine, So I guess I'm not dead yet, Not today, not this time. 


	6. Poem Number Two

Chapter 6: Poem Number Two  
I wrote another poem today. Writing poems is decidedly better than cutting my wrists. Much less conspicuous too. Here is a copy;  
  
The End  
  
My life is dark, It's all faded black, My hopes are gone, And they won't come back.  
  
They've all flown, All of them drown, Now I'm alone, Spiralling down.  
  
Darkness engulfs me, I think I'm going to die, Nothing matters anymore, I don't even want to cry.  
  
As the darkness swallows me, The light starts to fade, All alone in coldness, In the darkness do I wade.  
  
I see my mothers face before me, Do I really want to go? All I love will miss me, Do I want to release my hold?  
  
I'm sinking faster now, It's too late to say goodbye, Farewell, everybody, It's my time to die.  
  
It's my time to die. 


	7. All Alone I Cry

Chapter 7: All Alone I Cry  
  
God, what is with me?! I can't stop writing these bloody poems!! GAHH!!! I'm going mental! If anyone ever found these poems, I'd never live it down! Anyway, before I write in a copy of my latest one, I should tell you. The school years half over, Thank God! This has been the worst year. It has been unbearably awful. First that trouble with Pansy (God, what a bitch!) at the begining of the year. Then this....this....this...THING with Hermione! There are no words to describe this. First despair, then elation, then despair again. Anyway, here is my poem.  
  
All Alone  
  
Alone I sit and scribble All Alone Alone with my fears All Alone Alone with my tears All Alone Alone with my broken heart All Alone 


	8. Lost

Chapter 8: Lost  
  
This is getting unbearable. Hermione and Seamus have started holding hands in the halls and studying together. The rumor is their going out but when confronted they simply blush and glance at each other shyly. It's even making the remote thought of suicide appealing again. I just want to get away from it. I don't know if I can take anymore. Even though she likes him, I still drag on day after day, hoping for some miracle and shee will fall into my arms and confess her undying devotion. During the day, I keep my gaze and thoughts (for the most part) on my studies, not on her. But I rush into strange dreams at night. Amid scenes charged with adventure and romantic chance, I again meet Hermione. Then the dream of meeting her eye, touching her hand, loving her, being loved by her, the promise of spending a lifetime with her is renewed with all it's first force and fire. But then I awake and remember where I am and how situated. then the stillness witness the breaking of my heart and the sobs of utter despare. But nine o'clock the next morning I am dressed, eating breakfast in the Great Hall, ready for the days lessons and activities (A/N this is a slight alteration on a bit of the book "Jane Eyre"). I feel lost in my dreams. Lost. That's a very good description of how I feel. Lost.  
  
I'm Lost  
  
I'm lost in a storm of emotions. I'm lost in a sea of pain. I'm lost in my ocean of tears. I'm lost in the dead of night. I'm lost, drowning in sorrow, Will I ever find my way again?  
  
A/N "I'm Lost" is by ME (who else?). 


	9. It's Not Fair

Chapter 9: It's Not Fair......  
  
Why?! Why do they hate me so! Their glares, frowns, insults, curses! I can't take it anymore! This is becoming a living nightmare. It was bad enough to long for Hermione with every fiber of my mortal being, but now THIS! Why has this unspeakable torture been bestowed on me?! But I go to fast. Let me explain.  
  
Two days ago, I recieved a letter. It was informing me a surprise raid was done on my house and my father and mother were taken to Azkaban! My father, who I hate to the very core of my being, deserves to go to such a fate. But my mother! The woman who had her arms broken because she protected me from my fathers drunken beatings?! The woman who refused to beat her only son and was rewarded with the crustias curse?! The woman who is the only person ever to love and care about me?! She does not deserve this! It's not fair. Life is so unkind to those most in need of kindness. It's not right. Where is justice?! It's not fair...... 


	10. To My Readers

Dear Reader  
  
Hey!  
  
You guys, the readers, are very important to me. Without you, this story would have only had one or two chapters. I have an idea to give to you and I want you to e-mail me and tell me what you think. I want to do Part Two from Hermione's point of view in diary form. She likes Draco too but is using Seamus to see if Draco likes her back. How does it sound? My e-mail is dark_shadow_realm@hotmail.com. E-mail me with suggestions, ideas or encouragement. Critism is welcome too. 


	11. The End

A/N: The idea came to me today and I decided instead of making it a romance, it would finish how it began. A dark tale of hate for the world, unreturned love and pain.  
  
Chapter 11. The End  
  
~Hermione's POV~  
  
Oh God. I can't believe it. I don't understand. I can't rationalize this. I can't explain it. I can't analyze it. I don't know if I can bear this. He's just...gone.  
  
They found his body yesterday. He had taken a poison, I can't remember which one. He was lying on his bed, and he looked...well, I don't know how to explain it. People say when someone dies, they just look asleep. He didn't look asleep. He just looked dead. Like a candle whose flame had been extinguished. Like a fallen angel.  
  
They went through his belongings and they found a sealed envelope with "Dear Hermione" on it. I opened the note and a piece of paper fell out. I picked it up and, in his own hand, was written this poem;  
  
"Broken  
  
I have loved you, For as long as I can remember. Even before I met you, I somehow knew I loved you. You are beyond perfection, Beyond anything I could dare to dream. I believed you didn't love me. Inevitable, though it was, I mourned you all the same. Then hope came to me. Some one hinted you loved me too, My heart danced for joy that night. I, finally, one dreary, rainy day, Told you of my longing, And my love for you. But, You turned away, Shocked by the feelings I showed. I lay, my heart broken and bleeding, On my bed that night, Crying out my tortured heart for you. After that night, I no longer cared, Whether I lived Or died. There was nothing to live for, My angel had fallen from the sky.  
  
I love you, Hermione. And I always will.  
  
With all the love I could ever give, Draco  
  
I hadn't understood at the time, what I was doing. I have liked him since the second year. But, one day, during 4th year, he told me he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend. Thinking it was all a joke, I told him never, over my dead body and told him where he could put his offer in not so polite terms. How I wondered and how many sleepless nights I spent, pondering, had I done right. I see now, that I passed up a chance for, possibly, the greatest happiness I could ever know.  
  
But, while his body is, the chance is not gone. Am I not the brightest student in Hogwarts? When I first found this letter, I was able to proccur a very simple yet very effctive poison entitled "Fate". An apt name. My little red friend in the little glass bottle, shall reunite us and Heaven or Hell shall witness the union of our two souls. I bid you farewell, cold, gray exsistance. I go to, hopefully, a better life. Even if I burn in Hell, let him know this. I love him. More than this pitiful life it's self.  
  
Goodbye. 


End file.
